I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
its liver damage thursday
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