His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Send help, water and tortillas.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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