Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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