When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
