There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
