i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
