For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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