Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
