I am in a vortex of obligation.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
