I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
false alarm. still invincible.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
