I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
