if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
