Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
