if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
