Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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