Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
