I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
