I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
