If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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