this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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