I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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