They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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