You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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