went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Randomize
