I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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