remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
