Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
