So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
