just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
