spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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