If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
