around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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