I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
