I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
