I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
