Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish i was in the wii world.
i wish my penis had a tongue
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
