he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So vagazzling was a success
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
