Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
