I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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