My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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