so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
