being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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