make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
