oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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