nutella sex= disaster
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am naked and annoyed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
