what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
