she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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