Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
