Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
