We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I look better un-naked...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
