I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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