Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
