we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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