Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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