you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
