I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
