I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
