you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
