so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
